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The belly of jolly jolly ole St. Nicholas disturbs dieting enthusiasts. And they make Santa shudder. The phobia of fats has reached the North Pole.
The Keto crowd wants kids to put steak instead of sweet cookies on Santa's plates. Do not forget the bacon. And a bucket of lard.
Paleo want children to leave crazies at Santa An appropriate food for a group of hunters and gatherers.
The Vegan group suggests going with broccoli tied in a bow for the chubby icon. And a plate of relish under the tree.
The Dunkin diet dope pushes an unlimited number of protein-rich foods and oat bran on holiday plates for the chubby boy in red suit. They want Santa to wear yoga pants.
South Beach Diet fanatics want Santa to distribute gifts on a bike in a bikini. Ho ho ho. No no no.
The Atkins regime clique wants Santa to distribute coupons for his discounted diet books. It's scary not happy.
Serving high protein reindeer meatballs in America for Christmas dinner is just wrong. Rodolphe's nose would explode. And he can leave a smelly gift on your porch.
Christmas candy makers are ready for a royal rumor with squeaky and shamefaced grimaces.
In an article published in 2011 in HUFFPOST, Glenn Braunstein, M.D., wrote the following letter to Santa Claus: "Dear Jolly Old St. Nick, you have a problem: you are obese. You are a model for children and parents, representing the ideal of kindness and kindness in the world. Yet, the example you give taking care of yourself is anything but good. Of course, you seem happy and energetic outside, but that contradicts the fact that those extra pounds are likely to kill you sooner or later. Obese people have an increased risk of diabetes, hypertension, stroke, heart attacks, certain cancers, arthritis, gout and sleep apnea. Is this the model we want people to aspire to? I do not think so."
Mrs. Claus stuffs Santa with food so that he can slip into the red velvet suit with a white fur. Then she puts him on a diet of penguin soup after the holidays. Poor Santa is a yo-yo with a ho-ho.
Losing weight is still difficult for Santa Claus. And he is magic. I'm sure genetic factors affect Santa's weight.
"To date, more than 400 different genes have been implicated in causes of overweight or obesity, although only a few of them seem to be major players. Genes contribute to the causes of obesity in many ways, affecting appetite, satiety (feeling of satiety), metabolism, cravings, fat distribution in the body and the tendency to eat to cope with stress … Research suggests that for some people, genes account for only 25% of the predisposition to overweight, while for others, the genetic influence reaches 70% to 80% ", according to a 2019 article published on www.health.harvard.edu.
Genetic factors are internal factors that help you gain weight and stay overweight. environmental factors are the external factors that contribute to these problems.
Santa Claus does not need gastric bypass. Or a lifetime subscription to Planet Fitness. And Mrs. Clause refuses to cook a tofu turkey. The pine cone pudding is definitely a forbidden one.
The movement of "health at all sizes" can come to the rescue of Santa who sees him crying at the top of the fireplace. Check his cholesterol. Check his triglycerides. Check his blood pressure. He is fine. Stop bullying the holiday hero!
Spoiler alert: Santa Claus is not a real person. But, if it were, of course, we would like it to work towards a healthy lifestyle. However, shaming fat is not a useful motivator for Santa Claus or anyone else.
I hope you enjoyed this chronicle about the humor of the holidays!
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is a writer, columnist, educator and therapist. She lives in the south of Ohio. Contact her at (protected email)